Today July 15, 2012 marks three months since my dad passed away. As I reflect upon the first 90 days without him in my life, I needed to put my thoughts in writing.
To everyone who has called, texted, emailed, sent a card or said a kind word, I offer thanks. I never understood how it felt to lose a parent, someone you talked to everyday of your life, until now. Just imagine, when my dad died we were together for 10,280 days of my entire life. He raised me from birth, day 1 until day 10,280. Not only was my dad a father, he was a friend.
I only have good memories of my dad. As a child, I remember my dad and I watching tv in living room probably football. He would play with me and all my toys even the barbies and we would have fun. When I started attending school, I remember dad bringing mom coffee every morning, washing and ironing my clothes and gave me a ride to school everyday until high school when my parents drove me to Broad and Race and I caught the subway the rest of the way. Bottom line we spent every morning together carpooling to work and school. Countless minutes and hours of valuable time and conversation.
When I attended college, I remember my mom and dad taking me back to school every Sunday, sometimes they would stay (in full church attire) and eat in the school cafeteria for dinner with my friends and I. Everyone would laugh and say "Why would your parents want to eat dinner here?" but thats how we were and are. A very close knit family who did everything together.
After mom was tired of taking those weekend trips after church, dad drove me back to school every Sunday (since I had to come home every weekend in my freshman and sophomore years). Actually, I drove up and dad drove back.
I remember discusssing my classes, books and all the interesting college stuff with my dad. As a great intellectual, he was always ready for scholastic discussions. I remember him being so proud when i graduated and continued to graduate school.
After college, my mom, dad and I all worked at the same job (mom and dad in the same department for over 33 years) and I worked on the floors and in HR. Again, we carpooled back and forth to work everyday. We did everything together. Finally, after mom retired, dad, sis and I carpooled together. In the latter years, I did the driving and parking upon dad's request. When dad got sick initially, he was in my car and we were on the way to work. It was life changing.
Upon his health declining, we still did everything together. I would come to their house everyday and when dad was still driving he would come to my house, beep the horn, I would come to the window, he would ask for a shopping list of items, I would pack it up and take everything to the car. That was his way of saving money since I was the couponer. I would go to many appointments as the pick up and drop off person until other transportation could be arranged. We shared many meals together and deeper conversations than ever before. I would cut his hair, shave his beard, clean his nails and buy all the crazy things he asked for.
One month before he died, I called out of work. I called mom and asked her to get dad dressed because I wanted to take them out for breakfast. I told dad to order whatever he wanted....and he did! He had a steak, eggs, potatoes and pancakes! I could not believe he had so much! After breakfast, we went to Wynnewood (near daddy's hometown in Ardmore, PA). We checked out a new furniture store and went to Old Navy where I brought him a EAGLES hat. We went back to the city, I went to the bank and when we came out daddy said give me some money! lol By the end of the day, he got me for $100 lol. It was so funny.
The day my dad got sick, I was at work trying to reach him before a 3pm meeting. I kept calling his cell phone (I just got him a cell phone about 3 months before he died so we could talk and keep in contact with him during the day) and he would not answer. I finally got mom to discover they were in the emergency room. So Thursday, April 12, 2012 was the last day I was able to talk to my dad. His knees were hurting and I remember thinking I needed to do his feet when he came home and shave him the next day if he was still in the hospital.
Well I never got the chance. The last things my dad asked me was "Where's ma?" (She went to church for an hour to pray) and "Hold my hand" (Which I did). The last thing I said to my dad was "I love you boo and I'll see you tomorrow and that was IT he passed away 3 days later after we stayed in the hospital everyday and night wanting, wishing and praying for a miracle BUT God knows BEST.
So for all the people who do not understand why I have not been the same since my dad passed away, I hope you do now. This road has not been an easy one for me and I am just going through the motions to keep up with everything going on around me BUT it is hard because I truly miss my dad! Everyday has been a struggle but each day is a new day.
#RIPDAD #ForeverInOurHearts #MyAngel
Love you all. Stay Blessed.
My parents and I when I was a baby.
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